the joy of giving

i will be back soon...

2010-09-08T09:45:00.000-07:00

"only a soldier at war understands the importance of peace"

I was on a round along the countryside with my friends when dippu my neighbours son came shouting.
“What happened” I asked. “Somebody called, may be your friend, he needs to talk to very urgently” he replied talking long breaths,
“Who”,
“I do not know but please hurry up”.
I reached home, stepping into the drawing room my mother hugged me and tears started from her eyes before I could ask anything, my wife, Sunanda was standing at the door with wet eyes. “Hey, please, what happened, who called up?” I asked loudly.
“It was a call from your company commander, you are ordered to resume duty by Wednesday” my father replied to the question I asked, peeping into the newspaper, searching for something.
“Why”,
“I don’t know” he said turning towards me and the moment I looked into his eyes I knew why.
I was at my village home with my family enjoying my annual leave, it had been merely 15 days since I was here. My wife was expecting a baby this month and I wanted all my family to be together on the day, but as someone had said “everything is written”.
I called up to my company to confirm the orders, and by the night I had already packed my bags to leave early in the morning, to leave for batwara by the first bus from our village.
Usually they go to bed quite early, unlike city life but today everyone was awake. Even though my father told my mother and wife that everything was fine and it was just for routine military exercise that I was called back for and asked them to go to bed, but from there moist eyes I could easily tell that they knew everything.
Late at night I returned to my room, Sunanda was still awake. “still awake” I asked holding her hand and she started to whimper looking in opposite direction.
“Hey, my babies I love both of you more than anything in this world, I know both of you are angry with me, that I had to go at such a time, both of you might think that dada is bad but dada really loves you” I whispered holding her hand more tightly this time. She turned to me and hugged me just like a small girl hugs his father when afraid of cockroaches.
“Can’t you stay?, please don’t go” she said, crying this time,
“I have got no other option, I have to follow the orders. Even I want to stay back, want to see my baby coming to this world, be with you and whole family at that special moment but I have to go, it is my duty, I have to do it. Now please do not behave like a kid, behave like the way major Karn Kath’s wife behaves, be strong I would be back soon.” I said trying to console her, moving my fingers into her hairs.
We talked whole night till the alarm rang up. I got ready while Sunanda prepared my breakfast and packed meal for the journey. While leaving I starred through the half open door and saw my mother sleeping, I wanted to touch her feet but stopped myself. Her eyes were still wet, I knew that she was weeping silently all night. I went to kitchen, put my lunch box in bag, and hugged Sunanda and kissed her. “I will be back soon” I whispered into her ears and she was again into tears. Looking for my dad I found him at the main gate. I touched his feet and said “take care dad, I really miss you when you are not near”. I don’t know why I said so. “Can I accompany you to the bus stop?” he asked.
“why not” I smiled and as we moved out of the house.
“she is going to create a huge seen, I feel you should say good bye to mother also” he said. “She has been doing this for so many years, you know that its not easy for me to say good bye to her, and for her too” I replied.
Two of us were walking through green fields surrounded by early morning darkness, silently and it was not a new thing for me, it just reminds me of the time when I was in military school in 7th standard, same way my father used to accompany me to the bus stop, when I had to leave for school after my vacation.
I stayed in hostel for almost all my childhood, I really missed them a lot. I always felt envy of the kids staying with their parents all the year where I had only 38 days. After school I went to National Defense Academy, and even after passing out from there. I hardly got chance to stay with my family.
As we reached the bus stop I found my childhood friend Parkash was also there to see off me. I hugged him and asked him to take care of ma family, as a new member was coming soon.
Soon bus came, I touched my father’s feet and boarded on the bus, waving my hand I was on my way.
P.S Many of them never returned home,,,,,,,

7 Days n a Road to hell......part VI

2010-08-05T00:37:00.000-07:00

.” Shit, they are firing on us” I shouted. We all ran in random direction and suddenly something hit my shoulder, it was nothing else but a bullet and I fell down. Lying on ground I could see Arjun and Raj running towards me. They held my hand and pulled me behind a large stone. They made sit supporting the stone. “you fine?” Raj asked. “yup” I replied. “where are others?” I asked. “behind that bush” raj replied pointing at a nearby bush. I leaned a bit to confirm. Ashok waved his hand towards me and asked me to stay here till sun rises. They continued firing for another 20 minutes till someone opened up fire from the opposite direction. “what the fuck is this?” Arjun said but this time in a very heavy tone. I looked at Raj, he took out his ring and looked at me. “if I die today ask her to get married to someone else, tell her it was my last wish” he said handing me the ring. “Stop this nonsense , nothing will happen to you” I scolded him and hugged him hard but deep inside my heart I knew that we are not going to survive.
None of us tried to move as on either side things were same, it was clear that we are somewhere near border and both armies were firing at us. I looked at sky, it was clear, stars were twinkling brightly and all I wanted to hug Mina for one more time, to tell her that I loved her. “I knew that all of us will die bachelor but Raj got married” he said smiling taking out a cigarette out his pocket and lighting it. “When did you started this?” I asked asking for a puff. Raj was quiet.
Ashok and Dino crawled towards our stone. “Where is Ricky?” Raj asked them. “He got shot in chest, he may not survive” Ashok said trembling. I could not stop myself and ran up to Ricky, I did not care about bullets all I knew that my best friend was about to die. I picked him into my lap and shouted like burn the whole world into fire, he was my best friend and he was dying into my lap. He raised his head to say something, but before he said a word he was silent for ever. All I remember after that was I was crying with caring for anything till my vision got blurred may be due to the bullet in my shoulder and I fell down.

Day 5,
Someone hit me hard in head which made me open my eyes. Everything was blurred but still I could see Raj and Ashok sitting at a distance on their knees with their hand behind their heads. Near about 12 armed men in khakhi uniform surrounded us, they were from Pakistan army. Two men from them carried Ricky’s dead body as we were handcuffed . as I could not walk one of them dragged me to a truck.
We were sitting in a dilapidated truck, with one of us lying dead in front of us but my eyes were searching Dino and Arjun. “where are the other two” I whispered into Ashok’s ear. “They managed to escape out” he replied in same manner.
The truck drove us to a army base. During this we all were silent, none of had courage o speak..
Ashok and Raj boarded down there and I was taken to a hospital.
Day 6
I was lying in an army hospital, at near about 1 pm , two nurses and a compounder took me to operation theater to take out the bullet. They gave me few injection for unconsciousness and I open my eyes late at night. Lying on hospital bed where there only few patients in my ward I was still trying to believe that it is not a dream, everything went wrong in reality but praying to god to make it one. I wanted to wake with everything fine, with all my friends laughing and dancing in front of me, so that I could go back to Mina to tell her that I love her, could back to my home to tell my parents how much I missed them when they were away, to tell them how I loved them but I was dumb and they looked deaf.
Day 7,
Three men from pak army came early in the morning and three more people from the hospital other than were again handcuffed. A closed truck carried us to Islamabad , during the journey no one asked us for water or food, we stopped only once during the journey at a police station near about 2 pm for attending nature’s call. When we reached Islamabad jail it was already dark. We were locked in very small cell in which even 2 person could not sleep well. Even though I was tired and felt sleepy I was awake thinking about Ashok , Raj ,Dino and Arjun, Arjun was injured
Day 8,
8 am in the morning I was standing in a queue to issue the jail dress and it was the very same day I should have been standing in a queue to board on the plane to leave for U.S.A.
Three months later Ashok And Raj were also moved to the same jail, it was the only good thing happened to us in last three months.

Its been six long years since we are jailed in Pakistan, we never faced a trial, but still we had hope that someday we will return back home, back to my land, back to my family. Raj has planted a lily plant in the lawn, he says when the first flower will appear we would start our journey back home and all three of us are still waiting for that flower.

7 Days n a Road to hell......part V

2010-07-30T21:13:00.000-07:00

While clicking one Arjun slipped which caught the beast’s attention and the very next second he was on him. His body was held tightly into the paws of lion and one of his hands had been already crushed between lion’s strong jaws. We pulled him hard but failed till Ricky stabbed the lion near his neck by his aligarhi knife, one of his friend gifted him. He kept on stabbing again and again until we pulled Arjun back. Leaving the beast roaring in pain we ran back towards the camp.
Back at camp in the tent we wanted a doctor badly but we could do nothing. We could not inform the authorities as then they would inquire about the incident only to find a dead lion and that would lead all of us to a police case. “we are fucked up, I cannot afford to have a police case, that would take away my job and I will not get this opportunity again” I shouted at I do not know whom. “none of us can, but we need a doctor now” Ashok reacted to what I said.
Arjun had already lost his hand but any delay could lead to infection and he could have died. After a long discussion Dino came up with a solution. “leave this place right now , they do not have our identities , we can easily run from here to any nearby town to find a doctor. Otherwise also they would came to know about this as soon as sun rises” he said to us. We had no other choice so quietly we packed our bags and moved to our car parked outside the main gate of national park and with few minutes we were miles away from national park.

Day 4
Sitting on the bonnet of black Ford Endeavour I saw the sun rising slowly and now I knew that things were already gone wrong. Leaving the park in hurry , I did not know when we lost the track and now we were in the middle nowhere which seemed to have no end. As far as we could see we found wild bushes and nothing else.
We decided to head towards north east following a kachha road, but we had no idea where it would lead us to. As sun moved up things begun to turn difficult for us, we had only a little water left with us and also using car’s air conditioner would cost us more fuel. We stopped under a kikar tree shade. This place had no life but still it looked beautiful , beautiful in I do not know in what sense which made me click few snaps. Arjun was still crying in pain and we had no idea what to do. We needed a doctor and here, there were no signs of any kind of life nearby. Ashok and Dino tied Arjun’s hand with my cotton shirt and gave him some pain killers which helped him to get some sleep. We all laid down under the just resume our journey at night.
We started off at 6 pm and continued driving on the same kachha road in hope to find some village. Everything changed, a day before we were enjoying beers but now we had no food , no water, and only a little fuel but we had hope.
1.30am our car stopped with jerks as we ran out of fuel. We after a short discussion we decide to dump the car and resume our journey, this time on our legs. We had to walk to find some place village or town if we had to survive and without water we could walk at night only. Without wasting much time we set off on our feet. After walking for almost 2 hours continuously Raj shouted “look” pointing towards a light which looked more like light from light house. All of us jumped with joy and started running like small kids towards that light , everyone trying his best to be the first one to reach there. As we approached a new josh ran through our bodies and we started running faster until a sound of bursting cracker made us stop, then one more but these were not crackers.”

7 Days n a Road to hell......part IV

2010-07-26T06:48:00.000-07:00

soon When we reached chandan’s home they were already back. For dinner we decided to go to bar cum restaurant. We ordered 6 large shots of takila with some snacks this was the first thing I remember and the second was the check which was 9 grands, paid by me and Arjun. We drank a lot that night, we all had reasons for that but mine was not clear. We reached back late and directly went to bed that night.

DAY 3
We thanked chandan and his family, sought their blessings and left for jaisalmer early in the morning. I wanted to see Mina for one more time but kept this to me as we continued on highway 15. Things were about to change now, we reached jaisalmer at 3 pm after driving nonstop for 9 hours. We had our lunch refilled our tank and headed towards the national desert park.
At 5 o clock in the evening we all were sitting in small tent in camp in the national park, it was fun, that night we cooked our food ourselves and enjoyed the fosters we bought on the way, unaware that it was the last time we are going to sip that in. Few danced around the fire burnt near our tent, someone was still busy kissing his ring and I busy staring at the sky thinking about Mina, I loved her from my childhood , I always wanted to marry her. Wrote thousands of letters to her when we moved to Delhi, but never posted one, I was always afraid. Next morning we woke up late, may be due after drink effect or the cold winds during night we had the loveliest sleep of our life.
Rohtas , the local guide came to the camp after breakfast to take us around the park. We followed him for almost whole but failed to see anything accept few wild donkeys and deers. “Is there anything to see you are befooling us with few wild bushes and your pets” Ashok said in a teasing manner to rohtas. “there are three prides of lion introduced here few months back only but it is always hard to locate them during day time due high temperature, they are out at night for hunting” he replied smiling in a very soft tone.
We returned to the camp all exhausted. Temperature in this part of country goes up to fifty degrees Celsius and it receives very less rainfall. The condition was really bad few years back as these areas did not even have underground water and all the water required for life was transported via roadways. But things were better now, Indira Ghandhi canal had provided this area with regular water supply, but still water is the most precious thing in this area and soon we were going torealiz that.
For the night we planned to get a bit mischievous, we planned to leave the camp at night, which was not allowed by the orders of regional forest officers, to click the mighty beast live in action. We all woke up at one am and headed towards the jungle quietly. After walking around the bushes for half an hour we finally located one, but it was strange. We always heard that lions live in a pride but this one was alone as we went a bit closer to click few snaps I could make out that he was abandoned by his pride. “I saw a lot of different series on nation geographic channel, in which the abandoned member still stays nearby the pride trying to grab any opportunity to regain his place.” I said into Dino’s ear.

While clicking the pictures we never noticed that we had moved very near to the deadly animal and then ………to be continued.....

7 Days n a Road to hell......part III

2010-07-25T01:15:00.000-07:00

Day 2
Raj’s mobile rang to wake me up, which was lying on stool near my bed. With half opened eyes I woke him handing him over his phone and went to sleep again.
“Hip Hip Hurray”, someone shouted, this time everyone was up and we could see Raj dancing in front of us. “what the fu*k is this, what happened, why are dancing like a bear with wet pants and whats the time?” Arjun bombarded his all question in one shot. “Raj, please stop this and tell what happened?” Ashok asked.
Raj came and hugged me and all of sudden his eyes were wet. Soon he took out a ring and said “now I can wear it”.
We all were sitting with blank faces having no idea about what was going around us. When Ashok asked again he replied and we all felt cheated but we were really very happy for Raj.
Every one of us including chandan knew that Raj loved Swati. Swati was our common and one and only female friend but none of us, except Raj realized that she is a girl until Raj proposed her. The next day everyone of us was in love with her but she loved Raj and again we were attending our chemistry classes (did not get that, OMG haven’t you read P.S I love you on my blog post).
“I and Swati got married in court few months back, we exchanged rings but decided to wear them only after our marriage is accepted by our parents. She called to tell that her father agreed and mine never had a problem, now I can wear it.” He told us. Suddenly Dino stood up and gave him a hard one. “what was this for?” . “why you did not tell me this?” Dino asked. “Sorry yaar” he smiled and we all hugged him.
Soon Jaichand, Chandan’s domestic help was there with morning bed tea…..

That day Chandan took others to see the Bikaner fort while I and Ricky went to the housing board colony, the place where I used to live, where I was born. Things had changed but not much I stilled remembered the way, the house and the faces I was searching for. Opening a black gate on which I used to hang on for a swing I entered the bai’s house. “Anyone home?” I enquired knocking the door of main hall.
“Who?” a young girl asked opening the door slightly. Never in my life had I seen someone so beautiful. I ran out of words so Ricky spoke for me “Is baiji at home?” .“Yes, but who are you guys?” she asked again. “I am Ravish, she knows me” I replied this time. “Even I know you” she said smiling and opened the door, “come in”.
Baiji was sleeping when I moved into her room with a boy sitting besides her. “Baiji wake up, look who has come to see you” she said waking her up. “Who?” Baiji murmured. “Ravish” she replied before I could say anything and was smiling again. Baiji looked older than she was , her hairs were white, wrinkled skin, only few teeth in mouth but she could still beat anyone in talking. We chatted for near about 2 hours. She was really happy seeing me. During conversation I came to know that, that beautiful girl was no one else but my childhood friend Mina and that boy was baiji younger son. I show her the old photo to which she said that she really missed me.
There were only four people in baiji’s family, everyone died few years before that photo was clicked in an accident. Baiji had two sons Kirpal and Ranjit.
When I asked about Kirpal , a strange silience filled the house and to break that baiji brusted into tears. With tears in eyes Mina told me that Kirpal left the house few years back. He joined some revolutionary group demanding for rajputana as a separate country for rajputs and was declared as terrorist by police. There was no one to run the house as baiji was also old now. Mina had to give up studies and started working. She was working as attendant in a local 3 star hotel and gave tuitions in the evening to earn livelihood and support Ranjit’s studies.
After lunch Ricky called Arjun asking where were they to which he replied that they are going to return after sunset so we decided to stay at baiji place till evening. Ricky went for an afternoon nap while I continued talking to Mina and Ranjit. At 4 pm Ranjit left for tution and we continued as she prepared tea.
I woke Ricky and we all had tea just before leaving. Me and Ricky touched baiji’s feet before leaving. “wait for me in car” I asked ricky and he went out. “everything will be okay” I said to Mina turning towards her while crossing the main hall and all of sudden she hugged me. Never in my life anyone had held me so tight, I could feel her body shivering, her heart was beating into my chest, tears were running out of her eyes as if they are never going to stop, a strand of hairs fell on her face as rays from dying sun touched her face through a small window and she looked beautiful.

I felt like kissing her, I felt like telling her that I love her since childhood but did not do that, may be it was not the right time or I did not have enough courage to do that. I left and joined ricky in car…….
to be continued,,,,,,,,

7 Days n a Road to hell......part II

2010-07-23T23:51:00.000-07:00

We reached Fatepur at 3 o’clock. Except of me and Raj others get down at a dhabha and we went to a nearby fuel station. “Tank full” I said to the attendant handing him over my petro card. “I do not like the way he behaves, he is crazy” Raj said as we waited to refill our tank. “Who, Arjun?” I asked smiling. He did not reply to that and I kept smiling.
We reached back to the dhaba and joined others for lunch.
4 o’clock we resumed our journey, this time dino taking on the steering. All of us were feeling sleepy after heavy lunch we had, so decided to swap the driver’s seat every half hour. After 3 hours we reached ratangarh and got down at ramjilal’s tea stall which is famous for its hot masala chai. It was already dark by now. While having tea it was decided that we were going to spend night in Bikaner, at Chandan place.
Chandan was our classmate in school till 11th standard and then his family moved to Bikaner, but he was always in touch. I called him to inform. We had dinner at a small hotel in Benisar and reached Bikaner at 11pm. Chandan was waiting for us at bus stand, from where we followed him to his house.
after reaching chandu's ( as we used to call him)we took bath one by one and at 12 o clock we all were lying on coats placed for us in the backyard. It is not every day that we get chance to sleep under the sky so clear, stars so bright. We were too tired but still we failed to keep our mouth shut. As my gangs fell asleep one after another, I took out an old photograph from my pocket, three small kids holding hands of a lady in traditional rajasthani dress. I was one of them, the other two were my best friend, Mina and Kirpal .the lady was Mina’s aunt and Kirpal’s mother, baiji. Lost in my childhood memories and planning for the day to come I do not know when I closed my eyes. I was born here , here in Bikaner.

7 Days n a Road to hell......

2010-07-22T09:38:00.000-07:00

“life is all about making your dreams come true, but I failed to do it and it was not my fault. Sometimes it is already written, like a bitch standing on a highway, a lion abandoned by his pride, a lover miles away”
Day1
August 2004, I passed out from NCE, one of the finest engineering colleges in our country. I had to leave for USA on 3rd of September to join automobile giant GM motors as research and development engineer, so I decided to spent all the time left, with my family, enjoying home food which I really missed a lot in last four years and again I was going to miss it. For the last week of august me and my school friends had something else in mind. We planned a small trip to national park near jaisalmer, a not so famous wild life sanctuary.
22nd august, Sunday, 6 o clock in the morning, i with my three friends, Arjun, Ricky and Ashok started our journey in Arjun’s new brand Ford Endeavour. While starting the journey we had no idea what treat the coming days had already prepared for us. We took NH 10 and reached Hisar at 8 am, our two more friends Dino and Raj were waiting there for us at a dhabha. We had our breakfast and after a long discussion we started off our adventure trip taking on NH 65. Our next stop was Fatehpur………
It was fun, we all chatted, joked, played rock music and shared our experiences from college. Remembered the school days when we used hang out at Sony uncle’s tea stall. That day only we came to know that it was Arjun who placed the empty beer can in Ricky’s bag which was caught by his father.
I drove for three hours and then Arjun took the steering in Churu, where Ashok went down to buy some water. And as he had the reins this time it was no wonder that we stopped at a wine shop within fifteen minutes.
Arjun and Ricky got down and soon Arjun approached my side door with six cans of foster followed by Ricky who carried the equal number of cans. “Keep these six in cold tub” he said to Ricky pointing at the cold tub where we kept our water bottles.
Arjun was again at the steering but this time with a beer can in his hand, we again started what we have been doing for last 8 hours. Dino told us about his tragedy in love, about the girl he loved and her friend who loved him, in between Arjun asked for another can, even though I said no, but still Ricky handed him over one more. Dino was sitting on the front seat and was telling us his sad but funny love story when all of sudden Arjun shouted “fuck”, and we all heard something hit our car. He applied sudden brakes and our car stopped banging into a roadside bush. “Everything is fine” he bumbled. We all get out of car just to discover a small dog lying dead at a distance.
“Can’t you keep your eyes on road” Raj shouted at him. “it is not my fault, the dog must see on either side before crossing the road” he replied and started laughing. Ashok told him to shut up his mouth and asked others to get into the car as I walked few steps toward that dead dog. Soon a bitch came and licked his face which was wet with blood.
“Come back, where you are going” Ashok shouted. After few minutes I was on the steering again, but this time I was afraid. I looked at the rear view mirror; the bitch was still standing there. As I drove away bitch was soon out of sight but not out of my mind.
Arjun was at the back seat now, with Ricky. After a silence of few minutes, “Now leave that, these things are normal” Ashok said and soon everyone was busy in shouting laughing again, but I could not took that bitch standing on highway out of my mind.
To be continued..........

grow up kid,,,,,

2010-05-14T11:50:00.000-07:00

Sitting on a wooden bench in the corridors a nine year old boy watched his father running from one room to other with a bunch of files in his hand when a boy of nearly same age approached him. “New admission” boy asked. “Yes” he replied……
I was in fifth standard when I got selected for military schools, my parents were really happy when result came out, they could not stop themselves from telling this to every single person they knew. I was the first one from my village who was going to study in King George School.
By noon my dad finished all paper work and formalities of admission. A young man dressed in army uniform took us to the hostel from there. By evening I was allotted my house, my bed and issued my uniforms. That night I stayed with my father in guest house. I hugged him tightly while sleeping. I always slept like that, in my dad’s arms…..
Next day he left for back home dropping me at school. First two days were quite normal, I made few friends who saved me from punishments sometimes telling others that I was new other times telling me the rules just in time.
It was a whole new place, everything was different, you had to be your own dad, your own mother and I started missing them. Every morning a whistle used to wake me up, my mother’s kiss was no more there. No one to run after me with a glass of milk, here a whistle to start meal and second to stop eating. First few days my breakfast time used to end before I could even apply butter on bread.
It was my tenth day, now I was one of them, knew how to have my breakfast in time, how to not get caught and punished. I was standing in prayer assembly looking at the ground when someone called my roll no.
“2134, letter” a man standing in army uniform on stage shouted. I ran up to him and collected my letter. It was a letter from my dad. I still remember that I read that at least one thousand times. I wrote back that I really miss them, I wanted to come back home. This continued for nearly 3 months in every letter he tried to convince me that I should stay there and it is a good place which could secure my future and I always blamed him that he did not love me enough to take me home….
In September something happened and my dom commander and seniors started bulling me. They used to punish me for no reason, asked me to polish their shoes and even of my batch mates just because I complained about one of them to my house leader for beating me with hockey stick.
Things went uglier when once I argued and refused to the punishment and to make the situation worse my dad had not written me for month now. On first week of October he wrote asking how I was to which I wanted to reply and tell everything happening to me. That evening hiding from others I wrote to my dad as it was not allowed for me to write to home because my dom commander was afraid that I would tell everything to my parents.
When I started writing, the only thing in mind was telling him to take me out of that but what I wrote was something else. I still do not know from where that thought came to my mind that day. All of sudden I understood everything that I had to stay there only for my studies, I had to adjust with the circumstance and the most important that telling my parents about my miserable condition would have only made them sad and nothing else. It was near about seven o clock, I was sitting in a park in hostel campus behind a bush and I could feel the cool breeze on my face so I wrote “I am fine here , just missing you and mumma, studies are going well and its getting cold here,
P.S love you” ….

Will u marry me........

2010-05-05T00:49:00.000-07:00

Returning from office I checked my mail box, to look for my bills, but today it had something else, a invitation card. I don’t like attending parties so was not in any hurry to open it. On reaching my apartment I placed on sofa table and went on to take a shower…..
Till I was on my bed to close my eyes for the day it was already out of my mind. Next day just before leaving for the office my eyes noticed it, lying where I almost threw it. I opened it to find which I always knew but never wanted.
“Swati weds Arjun” and that too in bold was written on the top and I don’t felt like reading anymore, not even the dates. In India these invitation are nothing but free dinner coupons until you are a very close relative to the one being jailed, sorry married, and if you are a close friend then free alcohol is also included.
I was on my way to office thinking about Swati, the day when I saw her first. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. How we became best friends and how without any reason she went away so far that she did not even care to inform me personally.
During lunch I called Aditi asking if she knew about this (In fact I called to complain for not informing me directly, Ads being Swat’s best friend, female categorie). After few minutes Swat called. It was nearly after two years best were talking to each other, I felt like hugging her tightly and telling her that how much I have missed her over these years, but mobile is a good weapon to kill your emotions and a mentor good enough to control your moves. She asked me reach her home in Delhi at least two days before the marriage, I tried to avoid but at last she won( being a girl it was not that hard for her).
I calculated my leaves for the month and then asked for one more for Monday. Friday night (better call it early Saturday morning) I took flight to Delhi, Saturday morning I was in Delhi. Ads and Nik were already waiting for me at airport.
When we reached home Swat was out for some shopping, Ads took to a room on second floor where I was going to stay for next two days ( rooms are allotted to fulfill norms only , otherwise you can stay where ever you feel like during a wedding). I had shower, then breakfast, then few cigarettes (hiding in balcony) but Swat was not back yet and all this time I was waiting for her only.
Finally she returned, I saw her and yes, she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in life. I wanted to hug her as I used to, every time we met.
Okay, okay I commit. I loved her, yes I loved her more than anything else in this world. Over these years I was trying to achieve a stable position so that one day I could ask her to marry me( now I am lying and like always to myself only). I am a coward that in all these years I never told her that how much I love her, that I was always afraid of the day when we will be not together, in the college, that I cried every night for not having the strength to tell her that. Being coward is not bad thing but it is not good either. Now it is too late to discuss all that and I am here to attend her wedding not for marrying her.

There are two ways to stay in wedding house, as following:-
1) Stay busy all day, complete thousands of tasks given in time and still be ready for expressions of dissatisfaction.
2) Look busy and take it easy.
And I have a doctorate degree in the second one. A day before marriage I found Swat alone on roof may be she was on phone but when I reached there she was just standing , doing nothing( nothing is not an easy thing to do, just fall in love and you would know). As it was not a planned attempt to chase her to find her alone to talk I had nothing in mind about what to say.
I walked up to her, I was smiling as I used to do every time I saw her and she used to smile back at me, but today she was not smiling. I looked into her eyes, I was the only one who could read them but that day even I was not able to find out what they said.
“Yaar, that’s not fair” I said in teasing manner. “What” she questioned. “You getting married alone, what would happen to me now, who would take care of me? Look I have an idea, marry me, it would much economical also, I am ready to bear half of the expenses,” I replied smiling and not sure of WTF I was saying.
A 400 watt smile covered her face but it was just for a fraction of second and she was in tears now. I was totally confused and had no clue what was going on there. She asked me to leave and I came down to my room. That time lighting my cigarette in open. “You smoke?” I do not remember who asked to which I did not care to reply.
That night Nik came to my room. She had a packet, which she handed over to me saying it was for Swat lifetime wala friend, as Swat used to call me in college, “Uska lifetime wala dost”. Late at night smoking my last cigarette I open the packet. It had near about 100 letters written by Swat dating back to my college days, each saying only one thing and that too loud and clear, that she loved me and can do anything for me, except for one thing, telling me that.
Cannot explain what I went through that night but next morning I discovered what love is all about. I wanted to tell her that even I loved her and that too millions times more than anyone had ever felt that for anyone, but I was quit. It is not a movie that you run from mandap in the end of a movie. She was going to get married and all I wanted was, her to have a good peaceful life and knowing that I loved her would make it more difficult for her.
Tuesday morning I was in office again. I open my drawer took out Swat’s pic which was laying there since this cabin was allotted to me in this office. Along with those letters , I put that in a bag which I promised to myself to not to open it ever. I leaned a bit from my chair looked at the girl sitting in next cabin. She had been sitting next to me for than one year and I never noticed that she was beautiful. “Hi, Tina you look beautiful” I smiled and she smiled back…..

tea bags,,,,,,,,,

2010-03-18T12:11:00.001-07:00

I was sitting in my room studying for my fifth semester exams. Near about 1 am someone knocked at my door. As it was really very cold at that time so I asked who that was without moving a centimeter from my bed. “Dino” he replied. I stood up murmuring few helping verbs and opened the door. He smiled at me and asked “chai peene chalien?” , without saying a word I wore my jacket, took my valet and after five minutes we were on our way to the dhabha just outside college gate. It’s a twenty four hour restaurant, but we still call it a dhabha.
when we reached there I saw a bunch of second year juniors watching a old classic. A group four from our batch on the corner table trying to mug up the formulae before sunrise. We sat down on a table just opposite to them and Dino ordered , “do chai” in Amitabh Bachan style and there it was readymade tea at Dinesh’s Dhaba, two steel glasses full of hot tea. I took my glass and had a small sip of what we call a golden treat.
“Tea is the most important part our culture. Every Indian have tasted this great Indian beverage at least once in his or her life. For us it is not just a beverage, it is a part of our life, a member of family when we are alone, it is a bond between friends, it is a mentor during exam nights, it is a companion in early morning at an unknown railway station, it is a date for our love when we run out of cash, when we have it on cold night at Dhaba far away from city life with a bunch friends it is the reason for our smile. It is not just tea, it is our life.” I said to dino having last sip of my tea and he turned towards Dinesh and said “ do chai aur” . When he turned back to me he was smiling.

no land for blind man.....

2010-03-10T11:25:00.000-08:00

“And then they lived happily forever” almost every bedtime story my mother told me ended with this line. She always used to say that every person should fall in love, at least once in his life, but I never understood what she meant. While other kids of my age went on to explore different colors of this world, I was still busy distinguishing between black and white and soon Mr. Almighty solved my problem and made everything black for me.
Days of darkness were not that much bad. My remaining four senses worked hard to compensate for the fifth one, now my ears, nose, my sense of touch were my eyes. Life was good as I had a lot of friends who cared for me. I was fifteen when my best friend Arjun fell in love. Her name was Sarika and she used live near my house. I never knew the exact location, all I knew was that she used to meet me and greet with a loud hello every evening in a nearby where I still go for walk with my mom and with that I guessed that she lived somewhere near my house. All the day he used to talk about her telling me that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever met and I kept wondering about beautiful and ugly.
I was 20 and Arjun was with his 31st girlfriend, when he introduced me Kanika, at a restaurant in karolbagh. Both Arjun and Kanika worked in same call centre. Then after few days I met her again at a wedding party of common friend. That was the first day in my life when I talked with girl for so long. We shared jokes, talked about each other’s likes, dislikes, dreams and a lot of senseless stuff. I did not know why but I feel like talking to her for all my life. That day she only dropped me home and when she was about leave after good night, take care, bye bye session she said that I look good….
Soon I started talking to Kanika on mobile, we used to talk for hours, and I never came to know when I fell in love with her. I still remember the first time she hugged me, it was her birthday party. There were only few people over there may be four or five, I do not remember exactly. Arjun did not come, he had another break up and wanted to be alone. When he broke up with Sarika I was very much tensed for him but now it was a part of normal routine. She introduced me to her friends saying I was her best friends.

That day while walking back home I asked her if I am really good looking, she laughed and hugged me again. “Yes you really are”, she said into my ears, her warm breath made my heart to beat like steam engine, I could feel the blood flowing in my veins. She asked me to stay at her apartment that night. I wanted to say no, but could not do so. I called my mother and for the first time in life I lied to her that I would be staying at Arjun’s house that night.
I have no idea how it all happened but we had sex, and within few days it was normal in my life.we did that in her car, on the roof of her builing amd at every possible place we could do it. i was crazy about her, I loved her for more than anything else in this world, I was seeing this world from her eyes now. I trusted her more than myself. I was in love and wanted to tell this to the whole world. I never talked about her with anyone frightening that they would make fun of me as I was blind, but now I could not hold myself anymore and I decided to tell this to Arjun.
All of sudden I realized that I had not met him for last five days. I went to his house, his younger brother Arun who just 2 minutes younger than him told me that he was with his new girlfriend at her apartment. I asked for his mobile to call Arjun I could not stop myself from telling him. Arun dialed his number for me and gave me phone. After few rings I heard a female voice said “hello”.

I knew this voice, disconnecting and returning the phone I turned towards my home, took out my folding white stick and walked out of Arjun’s house without saying a word just as a girl told me that I was blind without saying a word…….

a short story....

2010-03-09T02:05:00.001-08:00

I woke up at 5 am, watching out of my window I could see bluish street lane with coconut tree on both side. I got ready for work, locked my room and had my breakfast at a dhabha near bus stand. Then I took a bus to my workplace. I work in a small courier company as delivery boy. As I reached my office Mr. Iyer handed over me today’s bag. I took out the bicycle allotted to me by my boss. As I pedaled around the town I saw a couple sitting on lakeside with hands in hands. I watched them from a distance for some time, trying to hold my eyes from getting wet. I delivered all mails by noon so I was free for the day, and Mr. Iyer allowed me to go for an off. Mr. Iyer is really a nice person, I mentioned that because he is my boss also. I had my lunch with him at a nearby restaurant . I do not know what made me to go to that lake side again, I went there and sat down in the shades of huge banyan tree. There I could see a bunch of kids playing in lake, all jumping over each other, pushing others in and laughing, a fisherman with his son and I could see the same couple sitting just like that.
I could not hold my tears for any longer, but still I made a failed attempt to do so. My eyes were wet, how long one can do this, I have been trying since last eight months. I was all alone. The best of part of day was my lunch time when I used to have the company of Mr. Iyer.
Solitude is not that easy to handle but sometime things turn out this way. Life was not like this always, even I had a social life. I was working as a manager in a MNC, had a beautiful girlfriend whom I used to love more than myself, my family and everything a normal happy life means. Then one day something went wrong, everyone blamed me just keep themselves safe, no one tried to understand me and I left that big city and came to this unknown town near malgudi. I left my old life or my life left me is still a question to me. My girlfriend moved on and married a local industrialist within a month I left and that local industrialist was my best friend. Their wedding was in news for three days due to the grand reception party he threw.
Things are normal now except of few memories, here I have peace of mind which I was looking for my life.
I stood up as sun went down, I decided to walk the way back to my room. I stopped at a bakery in the way bought something to me.

I reached my room by 8 pm, took bath watched headlines of the day on a news today. Then I took out what I bought on the way, it was a cake, a small one. Now I am standing in front of that cake with few candles lighting on it. Today is my birthday, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME”…………

lessons in life...

2010-03-06T09:04:00.001-08:00

He went to school when he was four years old. In school he learnt a lot of things like mathematics, science, civics, etc but the most important lessons of life are never taught in classrooms. Classroom knowledge can fetch you good job, where you can make millions but not good life. The definition of good life is not absolute. Relative to different people it has different meanings. For few it is all about gaining power and wealth, for others it means their friends and family but for him it meant something else. We know that first lesson in humanity and moral values are taught at home by parents. Same happened to him too. His dad was an army officer, who told stories of brave freedom fighters, he taught him to be true. He showed him how to be strong, to be kind. He asked him to love others, care for them. As time passed by he got lots of teachers around him, teaching a new way to deal this world every day. His best friend taught him to be honest, one of his batch mate taught him how to respect others, his roommate showed him the trick to cheat, his ex-girlfriend taught him to lie and many more. Even though he learnt a lot of things just by watching them attaining perfection in their field, still he could not erase his first lesson but managed to fade them away. He used his newly learned lessons to play in this world, he loved, he hated, he cheated, he begged, he borrowed; he stole, but always felt guilty after doing something wrong. He was not bad person. Then one day he met someone, she asked him to not to feel guilty again and the only way out to this was to stick to his first lessons. he never lied again, never hated anyone, he never broke someone’s trust, he was really a good human being. Soon things began to change; he was a fool to someone and jerk to the other. Few laughed at him other scolded him. he shouted, he cried but it made things worse only. And finally one day his first teacher who taught him to be a good human being, his own father could not stand this behavior, he argued but no one listened and he got another lesson.
“Parents tell their children to speak the truth and later in life their life they only teach them how to lie without being caught. When their children catch them lying, parents give them stupid logics like lying in this or that situation is not bad. First they ask you to be kind, and when help a stranger with all you pocket money and come home smiling they scold you calling you a moron, your girlfriend cheats on you when you trust her more than yourself, your friend betrays you when you needed him the most.
Everyday a new teacher, every second a new lesson totally different than what we learnt in our childhood.”
And he was not him anymore, he became someone and when I saw him today , he was laughing at some “HIM”.
all the lessons we learnt through out our lives are just like milk bottles, you can not have all of them at the same time.

Almighty created only two kind people in this world, good and bad, but today the world is full of the third kind.......

P.S I Love You...

2010-02-12T10:03:00.000-08:00

Someone once said to me that everyone must fall in love at least once, it teaches the most important lesson of life. At that time I was too young to understand what love is, but I remembered those words. When I was in 10th standard I fell in love for the first time. She was my bench mate, I loved talking to her until she talked about her crush who was one of my friend, who recently fell in love with our physics teacher, who was married to his uncle’s friend. I felt sad and did what everyone do, moved on.
I took non-medical in 11th and our chemistry teacher impressed me a lot. Under her strict guidance I did a number of tests in her lab on various subjects using an aqueous solution of love as catalyst under various conditions of pressure and temperature. Every time I got a totally different valve, but in most cases I found negative result as following equation:-
He + she (aq. Sol of love + high pressure, studies,) -----> broken heart (degree of pain being variable).
Most of the time I used only one molecule from male group and one from female group but once I tried to test its effect even using two molecules from one group and one from other group and the results told me not dare to do this ever again. Using more than two molecules often led to a chain reaction as shown by equation:-
n HE + n SHE (aq. Sol love) -----> n(HE-SHE-HE-SHE-)-X (X- free active end)
I tried hard and by the end of my 12th standard I had already tested all reactants from my school and even few from other schools, sometimes replacing “I” with “HE”, but none of them could fetch me a definite result. I was out of school passing my experiment subject on grace marks and I still did not know the composition and effect of love on reaction involving molecules from male group and female group and I again did the same thing, I moved on.
I went to an engineering college for my graduation, I said so because after passing out from there I would be a graduate only, not an engineer. I am in last year and I know nothing about engineering and to make situation worse no one in my college knows anything about engineering and the worst part is ,there are over thousand such colleges in our country.,,,,,,,,,
So I went to an engineering college for my graduation. When I was in third semester almost every second reactant from each group was taking part in that natural reaction as the catalyst was available in good amount, even “I” reacted twice to give a negative result. Now I was not interested in knowing the effect and composition anymore, all I wanted was a positive result for “I” reacting with “SHE”, but I was afraid to test it again.

On 14th February 2008, I did that test again, “I” reacted to give positive result. Even though the reaction was slow and faced a lot of problems related to pressure and temperature conditions, but I worked really hard knowing it was my last chance and at the end I did it, I got the positive result.
I was tired, so had few cans of beer and went to bed that night quiet early. I hugged her, kissed her before my alarm woke me up. I got ready for college, took my observation book out and read the result once more and all of sudden I had all the answer. …….

life like this.....

2010-02-02T10:18:00.000-08:00

Today when I was passing through my street I noticed that there was no single person out there in the street, and it was 6 pm. I came home sat down in my room and my mind was full with that empty street. I really do not know whether it is me only or this happens to everyone at some stage of their lives, when you do not know what is wrong, what you all figure out is that something is not in place. Suddenly you can feel the cool breeze; you can smell the soil even before it rains. You do not look into the mirror before going out as you used to do; you sit in front of the idiot box for hours watching nothing. You demand less and too for basic necessities and you have lost all your dreams. You have lot of friends but still you are alone, the girl next door does not attract you anymore. You could not sleep at nights and weird dreams haunt you all the time. Every morning you wake up wondering where you are? Everything is fine but not when are in your early 20’s.Trying to figure out what is all happening to me I took out my diary to find anything I could relate this to. I was surprised to find that I had not written anything since 3rd of this month. I moved to 2nd and there I got my answer written in simple words "exams starting from tomorrow”. Soon I realize that everything is fine as I am an engineering student.

looking at the rear view mirror,,, humara bajaj

2009-12-09T23:43:00.000-08:00

My father joined Indian Air Force in 1981, after few years of service he decided to buy a Bajaj scooter through CSD but, buying a Bajaj Chetak was not a easy task, only high ranking officers were allowed to purchase Bajaj Chetak , then he decided to buy it from market but was shocked to find out that there was a waiting of 16 to 20 months on the scooter. Anyone having a Bajaj Chetak was considered as a celebrity, because he had paid a premium equal to the original cost to get the hold of one he had. The sturdy vehicles were the most sought after wedding gifts in India. Even quotas were given for it’s purchase. It was the most selling vehicle in India selling over lakh units every month and that too for years. HUMARA BAJAj, song for its advertisement was a favorite at that time.
Today bajaj auto decides to stop the production of scooters because the new born bike market has invaded the territory of this great ruler of Indian roads. There would millions of cases of products ruling the market in particular segment like maruti swift , but there would be no parallel in history for Bajaj Chetak.
Its just a machine but still it makes me sad that things have changed, I still remember the first time I rode ma bajaj scooter,,,,,,,,,,,,

joy of giving

2009-09-23T06:03:00.000-07:00

On one of the coldest night of december 2006, i was going for my service selection board interview and was waiting for the bus to dehradun which was scheduled to arrive at 11 pm. There was a family of four sitting at the bench just a yard from me, enjoyin hot tea, on a cold winter night. the younger kid , who was a green eye, blonde hair, may be 6 or 7 years old boy, was staring at something again n again, when i looked there, i could see a small kid, peeping at them from behind of on of the pillars. I don not know what made me to walk up to him, may be the way he was lookin at that boy. I sat on my toes and asked him " naam kya hai tera"(what is ur name?). vishwajeet he answered. "Chai peyega" (tea ?) i asked turning towards the tea stall, he just held my hand without saying a word. we went to stall , i ordered two cups of tea, and a packet of biscuits. we finished our tea and he slowly slided the remaining biscuits into his pocket looking at me as if asking for my permission, and i just smiled and i continued asking about his family. By the time it was 11, and my bus arrived, i said bye, and i could saw his eyes getting wet, he smiled and waved his hand in air. On second day of S.S.B interview, during lecturate, i had to speak on the topic given by G.T.O , G.T.O handed me topic card.
And the topic was "joy of giving", i smiled and started my speech.......